Love means different things to different people. The question, “What is love?” has to be the most perplexing question to be asked.
Many books have been written about it. Movies, tv shows, sitcoms, podcasts, you name it. The content on this subject is endless. But it seems like the more content we have, the less we know.
Love seems to be entwined in the fabric of humanity. The desire for love is so potent that people kill for love. But before you kill for the sake of love, let’s make sure that the relationship does well on the value meter.
A brilliant psychologist named Robert Sternberg created the triangular theory of love. This theory was created in the late 1980s and indicated that people could have varying levels of IPC (intimacy, passion, and commitment).
With this theory, Sternberg was able to outline seven types of love that would help us understand where we stand with our significant other and our friends.
Love has been divided into three very important components.
Intimacy: This refers to the feeling of closeness and high levels of connectedness. Intimacy has everything to do with closeness and true genuine knowledge of the person with whom you’re building intimacy. Intimacy denotes mutual vulnerability.
Passion: Passion is all about having a magnetic attraction to a person. Passion is the drive that leads to romance, physical attraction, and sexual consummation. Passion is great when connected to other components of love. But it could be dangerous when it stands alone.
Commitment: Commitment refers to the willingness to be with a partner for the long term through thick and thin.
The beauty of this theory is that it indicates the different types of love from the matric of IPC. Let’s dive in and understand where we might stand with our significant other.
Types of Love.
Friendship: Friendship or sometimes called liking, is a relationship with high intimacy, low commitment, and low passion. This is a person who shares deep, personal parts of themselves with a partner.
High intimacy can lead to high commitment or even high passion. The existence of intimacy is usually the bedrock to all other types of love. Intimacy is important for the growth of any relationship.
Infatuation: Infatuation is characterized by high passion and low intimacy and commitment. Popularly known as lust, infatuation is usually short-lived.
With high passion, the chances of building high intimacy or high commitment becomes slim. Rather than deep intimacy and closeness, infatuation is characterized by strong physical passion.
The initial infatuation is often so powerful that people can mistake it for intimacy. In the end, those types of relationships often come to realize they don’t have what it takes to sustain a long term, healthy relationship.
Empty Love: Empty love is high commitment and low passion or intimacy. There are many reasons why people end up in empty love relationships. There is a cultural reason, and sometimes, long term relationships can lose intimacy and passion.
Empty love can be hard to handle, especially if there is a cultural reason for such relationships. They usually don’t grow into anything more than a routine, boring, loveless thing.
Romantic love: Romantic love is characterized by intimacy and passion. Partners bond emotionally and physically. Romantic lover usually wants to be around each other. Their energy bounces off each other when they are together.
Romantic relationships can grow to be very committed relationships. Romantic couples who build true intimacy and passion can build commitment and lose passion but still sustain their relationship.
Companionate love: Companionate love is characterized by intimacy and commitment. This is a very deep but not passionate relationship. This is stronger than friendship. Think about meeting your soulmate who you aren’t in love with.
There is little or no sexual desire amongst partners. Many marriages were passion died, but intimacy and commitment still exist can be a great example of companionate love.
Fatuous love: Fatuous love comprises of passion and commitment. It is interesting to note that the word “fatuous” means “silly” and “pointless.” Fatuous love is typified by a whirlwind courtship and marriage in which passion motivates a commitment without the stabilizing influence of intimacy.
Empty love relationships are difficult to understand both by the partners in it and third part spectators. They are full of impulsivity and irregular ups and downs that regular relationships don’t face.
Consummate love: This is the crown jewel of all the types of love. This is often where many people wish to be. Consummate love is characterized by intimacy, passion, and commitment. This is the ride or die relationship — the safe trip down the aisle, the so-called “holy grail” of it all.
Couples who experience this type of relationship experience great sex long into the relationship. They experience the highest level of communication and can overcome the adversities of their relationship without losing their love.
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Previously published on Medium.com.
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Photo credit: By Alejandra Quiroz on Unsplash
The post The Triangular Theory of Love; Learn to Value Your Relationships With a Simple Formula appeared first on The Good Men Project.